Let her go (Bucky Barnes x wife reader )

Warnings: Death, Angst,comma

Summary: You were in a car accident, the trauma caused you to be in a coma for who knows how long. Doctors know you’re unstable, but having your outer-body experience, you can see and hear those people around you. But they can never hear or see you. Your husband doesn’t take it so well, memories flooding and he gave up everything for you. It was now your choice to stay or not.

You were heading back from New York. A small business trip wasn’t hurting you much to home. Sure, your family lived in New York , you had someone special at home. He called you at that moment when you said you were coming back in time for lunch. He was telling you all about his day at work after he asked how you were doing.

“How is it back there?” He asked. You tried not to go over the speed limit to reach home quicker, it was scary enough to see snow fall during January. “Well... freezing,” You laugh, “But I might be able to get there soon.”

You could hear him laugh on the other end, “Well, you be careful.”

Well you only need the light when it’s burning low. Only miss the sun when it starts to snow. Only know you love her when you let her go. After a couple more minutes of speaking, Bucky had gotten another call from what sounded like his best friend ,Steve Rogers . You then sat in your seat for the next hour, hands on the wheel like you were on a mission. The heat never bothered you when you had it on since you got in. You’ll know the temperature will go up a little in Newtown

The roads were a little wavy, every turn was almost unexpected, but luckily you were going slow to notice them. The snow seemed to get thinner and thinner. The ground was slick, your tires were barely new. They lose their grounding from every time you drove on harsher roads and you needed to get new ones anyway.

You just a couple miles from Newton and you wanted to call Bucky . You searched for his number on the small screen above the radio. Glancing for a split second, you hear someone come towards your car. A truck drove off from its lane and you could hear the sounds of glass shattering.

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low. Only hate the road when you're missing home. Only know you love her when you let her go. And you let her go.

What felt like an eternity, you thought you’d never wake up. Feelings around you were nothing, you woke up on the cold ground. Your fingertips never caught a cold, not even your own breathing could be seen in the air. You hear chattering by the road, where you see people walking around.

You picked up your feet and walked over to the accident and saw the crash. Your car drove off the road, it collided with a tree and the front of the window had shattered. The driver’s side door was opened.

“We need a trauma team!” Someone called, you let out a disbelief exhale towards the frantic people. “Hello? Excuse me?” You call out to them, none of them responded. “Please. Where-? Hey!” You call out to the next. They all ignored you, like you were invisible.

You hear clattering behind and hear two people talk, “We gotta take her to the Newton General.”

“Better get going then,” The woman says. You rush over to the gurney and saw yourself on the bed. Eyes closed, your cheek cut and your knuckles were bruised and bleeding. You let out a gasp and reached for your mouth, keeping what felt like you were gonna scream. You felt like you couldn’t. “No... This...” Your head turns to the other car who turned on its side.

You couldn’t tell if that person every made it.

“Hurry,” You hear the woman say, you followed yourself on the gurney and hopped in the back of the ambulance. The man closed the back and jumped in the front. All you did was stare at your own body on the gurney. The woman found ways to treat you, putting on a mask over your face. She stuck needles in your arm, kept checking your pulse every once in a while.

Sitting there what felt like hours, coping with what your mind was going. A roller coaster wanting to make you sick. There was no point into getting the woman’s attention, you couldn’t grab anything. You tried tapping your own self’s arm and head trying to wake your unconscious self up.

You pinched yourself thinking you’re dreaming. Nothing. Were you dreaming? If you were, you would’ve waken up by now. “Wake up,” You urged, you pinched yourself again, “Wake up, Y/N. Wake up...” You closed your eyes and felt tears pool in your eyes, “Wake up, please...” You opened your eyes and saw the medics rush your body out of the back.

Quickly, you followed them and tried your best to chase after them. You dodged every body that walked in your path. People clamoring over each other to treat you. They take you into the emergency room and once you dart for the open doors, they close on you. Your hands slap onto the doors, seeing them lift you onto the table and people began to dress for what they were prepared to do. Once you pull away, you read the clear sign with words printed on.

COMA 1 No cell phones allowed in patients room.

A gasp barely came out, your hands lift from the doors. Turning away, all you could do was sit outside on the ground. Knees pulled up to your chest as you quietly cried. You felt weak to have tears run down your face, like you were never to do anything. Hours had ed and you see the doctors come out and you took the advantage and slipped in between the doors before they closed and you stood at the end of your body.

Tubes were attached to you that were attached to machines. Your heartbeat monitor was going off quietly. It seemed to get louder in your ears, it was started to make you think this was real. The monitor gets cut off by the chattering and the door being pulled open from someone.

You turn and your face drops, “Bucky .”

“Y/N.” His eyes were hurt and filled with worry. Your heart seemed to crumble when his eyes never met yours. They were on your unconscious body. His coat hanging on his forearm, he made his way over to your self. He places his coat on the ground, not even caring on how the floor could be dirty, he got down on one knee and took your hand in his.

You could almost feel it in yours when he stared at your closed eyes. “I’m here, Y/N...” He whispers, “I’m here.” You slowly made your way to the other side of you. His other hand covered yours in between his as if you could feel his love just by a simple touch.

And you could.

He lowers his head, “I’m sorry... I’m...” He lifts up his head and his hand removes itself to lay on your side. You slowly sat down in the seat across from him. The only thing separating you two was you in a coma. This all felt too real. You couldn’t cry, not even speak to him. Like someone had ripped your throat out. “James .”

His head turns toward your direction, but it remained low. You reach over to touch his hand. You couldn’t grasp his hand in yours, you couldn’t feel his touch under yours. The warmth and love from his hands. But you could see it in front of you. His love to just hold you there, to keep you warm and let you know he’s there.

After hours of being with him, Bucky had left before 8pm. You saw him drive off but that didn’t take long for you to go home. You walked over there for an hour and a half. You didn’t feel tired but it felt like you needed it. You didn’t hear from doctors about how long you could be in a coma for. Was it your decision to choose that?

You were lucky to head into the back of the house and find the door open. You walked in and heard what sounded like Bucky’s sobs. You peered around the corners, reaching about halfway in the house, you turned to see him on the ground.

Hair tousled in stress and sadness. It was overwhelming for you than it was for him. You were gone to him, but to you, you couldn’t tell him you were still there for him. Have anyone listen to you. See you. No, he didn’t have a lot of friends and you were only there for him.

You stood by his side from now on.

One Week Later...

Everyday, he’d spend his days at the hospital. You didn’t come home to him a lot. You only visited him that day when you first got to the hospital. You were trying ways to get your conscience to wake itself up. You attempted to say to God you needed to go back.

Nothing worked. You tried shaking yourself, pinching, hitting things around. You screamed once and nothing happened. You needed to wake up but you had no idea how to.

The day you followed Bucky back to your home. You noticed how he was ordering himself takeouts. You see him take the whiskey from the top cabinet and pour himself a small glass. He stared the surface on the table, his chopsticks stuck to his fingers like he was tensed now. His frown never removed with a smile or grimace. You turned to the living room to see what he had done.

Only to see you and Bucky on the couch, laughing. His arm around your shoulder, your legs thrown over his with a gray blanket over you two. The lights were on, giving you the thought on how bright you two were. Bucky from the table seemed to darken the room once he appeared in your view. The memory disappeared in front of you as he sat down on the couch with his drink in hand. Another was poured after the other. Till the clock struck 11.

Staring at the bottom of your glass Hoping one day you’ll make a dream last But dreams come slow and they go so fast You see her when you close your eyes Maybe one day you’ll understand why Everything you touch surely dies

That night, you followed him to your own bedroom. The sheets already moved from the night before, giving you the realization that he struggled sleeping. His lamp was on in the room. He wore casual, comfy clothes and slipped into bed so deliberately.

You watched as he leaned on his side to reach for his book. You ed he read that every night. You ed when he read it to you. You see the lights surge to their fullness and see you in bed with Bucky .His book in hand while you snuggled next to him. His voice soft and low, you never gotten annoyed by his words.

How they fell out of his mouth like nothing. Words he could define so easily like he was a dictionary. With a soft sigh, he finished off the last chapter and closed the book on his thumb. “One more chapter?” You hear yourself ask him. Bucky grins down at you and opens it again.

“All right, one more and we go to bed.”

You see the lights decrease their brightness and see that Bucky didn’t bother to read the first word in the book and closed it. You watched as he put the book back on his nightstand and shuffled onto his back. Staring at the ceiling, expecting something to happen. You couldn’t read his thoughts, but you knew you were glued into his mind.

You and Bucky had been together ever since you two were 18. 20 years later, you’re laying on a separate bed as he lays in a colder one. An empty home that he couldn’t no longer call it that without you. The neighbors liked you two. You were the youngest couple in the neighborhood. High school sweethearts, everyone adored you two.

Now, Bucky walks alone on the sidewalk, hand freezing and unlaced with another. You don’t know how many times he’s heard those same five words.

“I’m sorry about your wife.”

Everyone just stared and could only watch a guy who was a hero, a good job and end up without someone he loved.

Staring at the ceiling in the dark Same old empty feeling in your heart Love comes slow and it goes so fast Well you see her when you fall asleep But never to touch and never to keep ‘Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep

You walk over to your side of the bed and slowly got in bed with him. You couldn’t pull the covers to his warmth. You see him stare at the ceiling, the moonlight shining through the open bathroom, you could see the glistening in his eyes. Carefully, you shifted closer to him, still not meeting his touch. You still couldn’t feel his warm body.

You could just feel the weight of him under you. Your hand places just above his heart, you look up to him with the same wet eyes as you tried to hide your sobs. “I’m sorry, Bucky .”

The next days, Bucky visited your unconscious self once again. That day you felt weaker. Your hands started to feel cold this time. Your feet that were bare throughout your time started to get cold, too. You could still hear your heart monitor beep. You began to hear your own heart beat in your ears.

Slowly.

You breathing was getting slower. As if you were calm. Relax. Bucky held your hand like you were gonna wake up to feel him near. You couldn’t feel his hand on yours. You sat on the edge by your self’s arm on the other side of where Bucky sat. He lifted himself up to place his hand on your forehead and place his lips just below his hand.

You grinned weakly.

One last time, he lowered his head to press it to yours. His eyes closed to think of you in front of him smiling. “I’m sorry...” Your fingers began to feel numb. Your eyes got weaker by the second. With that you closed your eyes and rested your head.

Bucky lowered his head and let out a sigh. The sound of the heart monitor began to slow down. Bucky lifted his head up when the monitor made a continuous beep. Like a siren ringing in his ears, his heart drops and he immediately rushes out for a nearby doctor.

He shouted for assistance and doctors came in. They made Bucky leave the room, pushing him into a different section. He pushed himself away from running back to you as they tried to find ways to bring you back. His hands grip his hair and his lip trembles. Just after that, he crumples to the ground crying and screaming in pain .

I love you all so much . And I hope y’all loved the story